Wow. I'm 18 years old, and I'm asking myself where I went wrong in life. Something is wrong there.
I have so many feelings built up inside of me right now & I want to cry so bad. But, it's not coming out. I want it to come out, the tears, but there not falling from my eyes. I want to write about my feelings, but I don't know how to describe them, or where I would even start.
I feel like I want to die. Like I just want to disappear. I feel like no one cares about me. I feel like I have no one. Like, I'm just one big joke after another, for everybody. I honestly feel like I was just put on this earth for everybody to laugh at.
I think that all body modifications are beautiful. From the simplest of piercings to the most extravagant of tattoo's. Whether it's something very noticeable or something that's only shown when you choose to show it. I don't understand why body modifications are frowned upon by a lot of people. Not only are all piercings & tattoo's gorgeous, there away for people to express themselves. We shouldn't be ashamed by them, and/or have to hide them from certain people.
At the age of 18, I, myself have a total of 7 body modifications. Five piercings & two tattoos. And I love each and every one of them, hoping for more and more as my life goes on.
Besides getting my ears pierced at age 12, I didn't get my next piercing til I was 17. I wanted my lip pierced since I was 14. Talking my parents into was hard work, and took years. But finally, December of 2008, they budged, and off we went to the piercing place to get it done.
When my 18th birthday rolled around, about 6 months ago, I got my first tattoo. Shooting stars on my left wrist. Since then, I've gotten my lip pierced again, giving me spiderbites. The lyrics "When I'm lost and it seems the end, like there's only certain death, you tell me to live" on my back. And I've gotten my rook pierced.
About a month ago I really wanted my bridge pierced. And within the last few years I've wanted my collar bones and hips pierced. Also, I'm soon expecting another tattoo. Call me an idiot, but me and my friends are all going to get mushrooms from Mario Brothers tattoo'd on us.
College was supposed to be my escape. A new beginning, something different. But it's actually all the same. Exactly the same, just with new people & new surroundings.
I'm still that girl. The one who has friends. Close friends? I don't know. Acquaintances, yes. Everyone around me is all buddy buddy with one another. Telling inside jokes, becoming best friends, sharing stories. I feel like I have nothing to say to anyone. I know people. I know when I pass by someone in the hall I can say "Hello". But I can't stop and have a conversation with them. Only with a few select people.
I just feel so left out. Like I have so much more going for me, but I don't know where to find it. I don't even know. But this was supposed to be my year, and it's not turning out the way I've imagined.
Dear Sara, You're hardly like a best friend anymore. I don't want to say this, but I have too, you've become such a whore this summer. And that makes me really disappointed in you. I also don't understand how you can go around talking about how much you like your boyfriend, when you basically cheat on him everytime your with someone with a penis. Just break up with him! Seriously. You're just being selfish by keeping him around. If you truly liked him as much as you say you do, you wouldn't be cheating on him. Or you would have enough respect for him to just end the relationship. But no, because honestly, you've become a selfish whore. That is what you've become. You only talk to me when you want to talk to me. You never respond to any of my texts. And when you do, it's hours, days later, and half the time, its not even responding to my text, its telling me about another guy you've hooked up with... that isn't your boyfriend. Can you please step back and look at what you've become? Have some self respect, please. You've been at college for only a week and you've already taken the walk of shame. Granted there was no sex and kissing involved, but really? Have fun at college, but stop only talking to me about the guys you've hooked up with and how much you've cheated on your boyfriend, because honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm sick of first hearing about you brag about it and then a second later how much you feel bad about cheating. If you really felt bad, you've wouldn't have cheated in the first place. And if you're not going to listen to my advise about breaking up with your boyfriend, then I don't care anymore. Because it's the same thing over and over, thats the only things we ever talk about anymore and I'm done.
I've been cheated on before, it's one of the worst feelings, especially if you really like the person. After that I've always told myself that I would never cheat on anyone. But what happens? I end up being that person who I swore I would never be. I was once the cheated, now I'm the cheater. I cannot believe myself.
